“When you come to the fork in the road, pick it up.” So goes the punchline to an old joke.
Many years ago I observed that old people seemed to come in two flavors
- happy old person
- bitter old person
More and more I feel that I am becoming the latter.
Now it’s easy to say “if you know you are going in that direction, why don’t you just change?” My retort is that if it was that fucking simple, I would! More than one of my friends has suggested that I should seek counseling in order to correct my deficiencies. While that sounds like great advice, even to me, there is one flaw. I know what ails me, I am fucking lonely!!! Sure, I know the solution to this problem — find a girlfriend. Unfortunately for me that’s as about as easy of solving the problem of me not being a millionaire by simply finding a million dollars. Before you go and tell me that happiness comes from within and that no person can provide it for me, remember I am lonely and not necessarily unhappy; what I am missing is a partner.
Is there a Suitable Mate gene? If so I think I am missing it. This would be a good explanation to my futility at getting dates and would allow me to off myself when the thought of living alone for the rest of my life outweighed the value of the happiness I might provide to others. I have my physical flaws — eyes set too wide apart, face scarred from teenage acne, average height, soon-to-be middle age flab around my midsection — but I must also have some sort of physicological flaws as well. Why am I always Mr Wrong, or Mr Right At The Wrong Time? And how many times have I just been too stupid to realize that someone with whom I’d like to spend time with actually wanted to be with me as well.
Will it ever happen for me? Only time will tell. Will I become bitter if it doesn’t? Time will tell that as well.