Keep Your Eye Off My Fly

Welcome to What In The World Was I Thinking Wednesday. I have decided that each Wednesday I should discuss something that made me say What In The World Was I Thinking. Today’s topic: Calvin Klein Button Fly Underwear. btw – that link takes you to Macy’s where the picture is not of me (sorry ladies).

I know how I started wearing them. Back in the Go-Go Nineties (back in the day when Atlanta was giddy because The Olympics were so close we could taste it) I was dating a young lady who deemed my tighty-whities so out of fashion that a great Valentine’s Day gift would be underwear. In her defense, she was right. However, she also started me out with the button fly boxer briefs. Not to be rude, and to ensure that I was to get lucky, I declared my adoration for the new skivvies. To my credit, I was right.

Over the years I have declared boxer brief underwear to be the Greatest Thing since sliced bread. My “boys” need a house — CHECK. Flatters what God gave me in the front and rear — CHECK. Has a modicum of style when stripping off the jeans for that “first time” — CHECK. But button flies? — UNCHECK. Can I tell you how many times I fumbled with those stupid buttons while drinking in a bar? Urinal time is “eyes front and center” time, but when you see a guy standing there fumbling “down there” one conjures strange thoughts. I’m just saying. Before you tell me to stop buttoning them, let me tell you that an “open door” underwear policy will only get you in trouble. At that point you might as well be going commando.

Which brings me to the What In The World Was I Thinking part. It’s been many moons since the original purchaser and I have parted ways. Yet, I have since, and occasionally ponder the idea of purchasing button fly underwear. WHY? Can someone please explain this to me? Is there some part of me that thinks if I run into her on the street I will be able to drop my pants and say “See, still wearing the button fly boxer briefs. Want to get back together?”

Paulie [eatl/ga]

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