Oh For The Love Of God!!!

What’s Up Yo! Big-“G” Little-“od” here substitute blogging for Paulie. He asked me to fill in today and I am too nice to say no. Besides, I’ve been such a dick by not answering his prayers to meet the woman of his dreams that I almost felt guilty — until I remembered that everything has been predetermined and saved in a Microsoft Project 2AD file so my ass has been covered.

God Is Gansta?
Let’s see, it’s been so long since I, The Almighty, had to type HTML tags. How do I do this again? Oh yes, now I remember…
[Warning: Big Brother 8 Spoiler Follows]

Spoiler? LMAO!!! I already know who wins…

Hello Jameka. Are you there sweety? It’s God speaking to you directly again. If you ever say that I am “gansta” again I will pop such a large cap in your ass that you will have to shit standing up. Are we clear on this? Oh, and if you are not pissing your pants yet, you should know that I told Jen that the answer was “safety.” That dumb broad is so fucking gullible!!! Remember what they say — “God Is Fair.” If you thought that was funny wait until next when I start giving Jen gray hair; she starts crying more than that pain-in-the-ass Amber.

For the rest of you, please notice the difference between Chi Town and Chill Town. When I instructed the Good Doctor Will to create Chill Town in order to snatch up all goodies and piss off all house guests he executed My Plan to perfection. Now this kid Dustin goes and fucks up My Plan completely; he just takes and takes and then states that he got “caught up in the moment.” All my hard work to plan this all out went right down the shitter. And dude, what’s with the gray t-shirt? That thing has been worn thinner than the Shroud of Turin. For Christ’s sake steal one of the other house guests’ shirts. I’ve already looked the other way with this whole “gay” thing (Although did you say that you had a girlfriend now? Niiice!), I’ll give you another “Get Out Of Commandment” card for stealing. It’s okay by Me.

Did everyone see how cut Daniele looked dressed all in black and wearing that beret? I nearly shed a tear when I saw how perfectly she came out. I’ve heard rumor that Evil Dickie sold his soul in order to create such a princess. In reality that work was all mine, baby!

And my apologies for making America choose that nonsensical “I’d buy that for a dollar” catch phrase for “America’s Player” Eric to repeat. I’ll let you in on a little secret; I’m not all that thrilled with the Eric experiment and you won’t have to suffer with it all that much longer.

ITP Flickr Pic (Thanks To Me)
Check this out. I’ve been using Medicine Lake to mess with the minds of Canadians for years. Every winter I make the lake disappear.

Medicine Lake

You see, it’s not a lake at all! The water You see as a lake is really overflow from a river caused by the melting of snow and the addition of rain. I’ll be honest with you, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t reading the directions when I built this part of Canada and well, even My Plan can have a chink in its armor.

And For My Next Trick
He doesn’t know it yet, but Paulie and his fat ass are going to attempt a run tonight at George’s. Paulie will suffer. Paulie will be forced to run by his lonesome. Paulie will ask for my help. I will turn a deaf ear to his pleas. It’s not because I can’t do something for him, but because I want to punish him for making me type this entry using a keyboard with a sticky ‘M’ key. I’d talk to Steve Jobs about this crap, but he plays for The Devil’s team.

Holy Jeebus! Look At The Time!
I’m late for an appointment and have to go. As my parting shot I want you all to stop asking for crap like winning the lottery (do the math people!), for committing sexual sins (keep you goddamn pants on), and life guidance. I hereby give you complete control of your own lives and ask that you take responsibility for all that you do.

god [everywhere you want to be]

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood – holier than thou
Current Music – Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Polyphonic Spree — “Running Away”
Website Of The Day – There were many choices today but not wanting to be a complete asshole I went in an entirely different direction. Go to Eat Liver and check out the bizarre pictures that they have in store for you (it’s all part of The Plan, I swear).
Exercise (b)Log – none, it wasn’t in The Plan
Mode Of Transportation To Work – My car

August Goals
1) Get my first Ruby / Ruby on Rails program written
2) Lose 5 pounds (if at first, second, third, fourth, you don’t succeed….)

Paulie [eatl/ga]

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8 Responses to Oh For The Love Of God!!!

  1. Martha says:

    Wouldn’t you know it the one night I skip George’s I’ll miss you. Well there is always the chance (a good one at that) the date will go bad and I’ll need to drown my sorrows in a pitcher of High Life.

  2. Paulie [eatl/ga] says:

    Now now Martha, no one is allowed to be more negative than me on my blog. You will have a fun time and I don’t plan to see you later tonight.

    Besides, if it’s in The Big Guy’s (HA! I originally typed The Big Gut’s. See, I told you that I was the dark one.) plan then I will be darking George’s doors more regularly.

  3. Stacy says:

    god is HILARIOUS! Who knew he was such a good writer? (Er, who would have doubted it?) Phil and I are always saying the same thing — how bored must god be to be playing Big Brother this summer? That, and he’s obviously already committed to playing for Amber early on.

    Too funny – thanks for the recap!

  4. Barb says:

    hey Paulie – if you want to get any exercise tomorrow when you come get your bike, we could go for a ride over at Sope Creek…. what time do you think you will be arriving? tht is, if there isn’t the usual afternoon thunderstorm.

  5. Barb says:

    oh yeah – and since we use this for communicating with other readers –
    Martha – I hope you have a wonderful date!!!

  6. Steve says:

    I believe Paulie has gone completely ’round the bend on this one.

    And in celebration of your birthday, I’ll buy you an adult beverage… if you actually show up.


  7. Paulie [eatl/ga] says:

    Barb, I will pack biking clothes and plan to be able to leave any time after 4pm (will update tomorrow if something comes up).

    And this site can be everyones’ communication portal. God told me so last night as I cried myself to sleep.

  8. Gentri says:

    You mean DOG isn’t your co-pilot?

Comments are closed.