All I have ever wanted is a “normal” life, but apparently that’s too much for me to ask.

May is turning into April, Part II.

This weekend I had annoying knee pain, and the return of a swollen, bothersome eyelid. The latter is still problematic, though some of the swelling has subsided. Emotional struggles have been temporarily replaced by physical ones. The struggles are coming in many flavors and far too often; they are wearing me out.

The Raleigh Royalty provided me with a comfortable place to sleep and great hospitality. It was fantastic to see them and their new house, even if this trip was cut short due to my genetically deficient eyelid. I left yesterday morning, a day ahead of schedule, and essentially drove straight through. I stopped at one rest area in North Carolina to pee, and then at the Kroger on Moreland to put gas into the M6.

Assuming my eyelid doesn’t require immediate medical attention which will interrupt my week, here are the things on my calendar:

  • Begin Last Will and Testament preparation. With whom shall I burden the ITP Estate?
  • Lunch and road bike pick up from Barb tomorrow. I want to hear all about Spring Dress Ride.
  • Group ride at Melton’s App & Tap tomorrow night
  • Buy new eyeglasses from Warby Parker on Wednesday
  • Dinner with Betsy on Wednesday, or course.
  • Lunch with David/Lurker on Thursday

I solved today’s Wordle in six attempts; my starter today was HEARD

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One long delay near Greenville, SC for a bad accident on the southbound side of I-85, and one medium delay near Gaffney, SC due to a broken down RV closing one of the two northbound lanes. Other than that my trip was fine.

Hoping my weekend change in scenery changes my fortunes for the better, and that my medical concerns heal themselves before I need to take medical action. I may have better luck with the former, rather than the latter. It’s Friday the 13th, but I am not concerned.

I solved today’s Wordle in two attempts; my starter today was GRASP

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On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Goin’ places that I’ve never been
Seein’ things that I may never see again
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world keep turnin’ our way, and our way

Is on the road again
I just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world keep turnin’ our way, and our way

Is on the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

And I can’t wait to get on the road again

– Willie Nelson

This is one of my karaoke go-to songs. Unless you have worked with me you have never seen me do karaoke.

Other songs in my repertoire:
Luck Be A Lady
Creep (though I struggle with the high notes)
Killing In The Name
almost any Tom Petty song

I solved today’s Wordle in three attempts; my starter today was DRIFT

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Six weeks later and I still can’t accept what has happened. How I could have lost the thing that brought me such happiness? I am sad, still feel betrayed, and am angry, very angry. I continue to remove any reminders that I encounter around the house, in an attempt to resurrect my happiness.

In an effort to literally stop beating myself up I decided that it would be best to not attempt to wedge a long bike ride into my schedule today to give my body (read “knees, which still bother me after my running attempt the other day”. Argh!) a chance to recover.

I solved today’s Wordle in three attempts; my starter today was STAIN, though I wish that I had started with CHAFE! After refreshing my browser tab I hope my word today is the same as everyone else’s.

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Staying out of contact is the hardest thing that I have had to do in a very long time; it’s incredibly painful. Trying to weigh the great times against the suffering I have had since the start of April, and the sacrifices I will need to make in the future to keep my sanity, is as well. Serenity can’t come soon enough.

I attempted running last night, which turned into jogging, which turned into jogging and walking. My knees were not amused.

Tuesday Tale of the Tape: 183.2 pounds (+0.6 from last week’s weigh-in); rats, I was hoping to be below 182.0 today…

I FAILED to solve today’s Wordle; my starter today was SHORT; my second Wordle failure because I did not employ my own non-failure strategy and went for the gusto (which my be my starting word tomorrow).

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  1. denial
  2. anger
  3. bargaining
  4. depression
  5. acceptance

Is it possible to vacillate between stages?

I had many bad moments this weekend, and a lot of dark, self-destructive thoughts. The past six weeks have been excruciating, and unfortunately things are not getting better for me.

I am trying to take steps to heal myself through separation, seeking replacements for hashing (sadly), enacting a moratorium from talking about certain hashers, and looking for professional therapy.

This blog may turn into a “Wordle Update” for the foreseeable future if for no other reason to let you know that I haven’t offed myself.

I solved today’s Wordle in three attempts; my starter today was GRATE

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It’s hard to imagine that I could put on weight after walking over seventeen miles yesterday, but I think that I may have.

I walked five miles in the morning, laying the Eagle and Turkey SLUT trails.
I then walked to meet Davey at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore on Memorial.
Davey and I walked up the Beltline and over to Biggerstaff Brewing on Edgewood.
From Biggerstaff Davey and I walked back down the Beltline to Three Taverns Imaginarium on Memorial.
From Three Taverns I walked home.
I then walked/ran my Turkey trail again, making sure that all of my marks were still there.

In total, over seventeen miles.
But I drank five beers, ate three big meals, and had a little dessert when I arrived home, so who knows.

A big thanks to all who came out and did my trail, even if the real reason was to eat delicious tacos at the end. *grin* I received compliments for marking the trail well, and people seemed to enjoy the shiggy I worked into the Eagle trail.

My weekend plans are scant, with nothing on my calendar for tonight or tomorrow afternoon/evening. I may ride to Stone Mountain this morning. However my feet and legs are trashed, and rain is predicted to arrive early this afternoon, so I may bag the ride and chore in WLF instead. Though I may ride since I seem to enjoy beating myself up.

Of course I will be picking up garbage and then meeting up with Betsy and Bella tomorrow morning for our Saturday coffee walk, one of the best things to come about during the past couple of years.

I am skipping Black Sheep on Sunday. Initially I was going to do a solo long bike ride up at Sosebee, but Stan can’t hash on Sunday so he and I are going to ride, to Stone Mountain and back.

By BRAG Lite I expect to be in nearly the best shape of my life. Anger can have also have positive side effects if focused properly.

I have decided that my 200th Black Sheep will occur on Sunday, May 22nd. It is highly likely that this will be my last hash until July 31st when I am scheduled to co-hare Black Sheep. I could quit at 201, ahead of Wilma and behind MC Hasher, but far from what I expected for 2022. I really don’t want to give up hashing, but it’s no longer a happy space for me since I can’t deal with the way my life has changed, and it seems like the only option I have to keep me from being depressed. Depression rarely has positive side effects.

As of today the rest of my year is in flux. All of the big hash camping events — Red Top Mountain, Lake Hartwell, Hard Labor — that would have been automatically added to my calendar no longer appeal to me. At least I have BRAG Lite, and will try to enjoy some of the events like Porchfest I used to look forward to attending.

Of course life could change again, though never reverting back to what I had before April, and I could participate and find joy in it all. Time will tell.

Hope that you have a fun-filled weekend, and that you remain healthy.

I solved today’s Wordle in four attempts; my starter today was TRAPS

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Yesterday was a busy day indeed. While I was not quite out with the sun I did make it out to WLF pretty early and put in over four hours of manual choring. I transplanted a boatload of squash seedlings, planted some zucchini seedlings into a bed for which I cleared out some underperforming brassicas and a dying red cabbage, harvested all of my leeks, planted three small pepper plants into a raised bed, and finally dug a new garden bed into which I transplanted two rhubarb plants. I was sweaty and worn out by lunch time.

After recuperating a bit, I treated myself to lunch at home, sausage and bean casserole. Yum! I then drove up to West Stride (think “OK Cafe”) to look into buying new running shoes from Sal. It was as if Sal knew I was arriving because I was barely out of my car when I saw her come out of the store; obviously it was a coincidence. In almost no time I walked out of the store with a new pair of Brooks Ghost 14. I may not run faster, but I will look faster, and perhaps won’t re-injure my foot next time I run.

I decided to stay out for a little while longer so I took “A Man Called Ove” to Fire Maker Brewing for a couple of beers. Apparently while I was away from EAV Mother Nature dumped a shitload of rain on the neighborhood. Normally I’d be happy about this (for the crops) but I had already watered the farm and had hung two towels to dry; obviously they did not dry…

I made a “quick” Kroger stop on my way home. It was quick to pick up the few essentials that I needed, but not so quick to check out, because, Kroger.

It was Betsy’s turn to cook and I was excited to start watching the new season of “Top Chef”. However, I thought that I saw the episode on Hulu, but actually it was on Peacock, to which Betsy does not subscribe. Betsy made delicious enchiladas for dinner, and we watched an episode of a Gordon Ramsey travel show.

One of the other chores I (finally) accomplished yesterday was to make an appointment to take the M6 in for a much needed routine maintenance visit. I will be headed out of Dodge at some point next week (note to self: get that automated watering system in place!), so I want to ensure that I am running with fresh oil and all things have been inspected.

I am hoping yesterday’s unexpected rain was an anomaly. I am actually going out to lay tonight’s trail early this morning (I may be out there as you read this) because I am going to meet up with Davey for a Beltline walk at 1:00pm. After walking with Davey I will walk my trail again, making any necessary corrections so that people can run the trail without a hitch. Hashers will meet at Brownwood Park in East Atlanta at 7:00pm, and be off at 7:30pm. Once the pack is out I will walk to Long Cut Dong’s house and start my evening of drinking.

Hope that you are having a good week and that you are remaining healthy.

I solved today’s Wordle in four attempts; my starter today was CHORE. I thought I would do better but I fell into a careless trap. Oh well.

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My morning yesterday kicked off with doing a lot of laundry, and a little walking. It was good to arrive and see the Waschsalon open on schedule. I was in and out in about two hours.

The rest of the morning was spent puttering around the house before driving to Decatur (Clairmont / North Decatur) to meet up for lunch. As I mentioned yesterday, the food “Japanese street food”, at Tenya was tasty.

Late yesterday afternoon I was bummed to see how much WLF is struggling with the hot, dry weather. I thought that I was going to have to give everything a good watering today, at least until I awoke to the sound of rain and thunder overnight. I was also bummed to see that I waited too long to eat the remainder of my leeks, which have now started to bolt. Unfortunately when leeks bolt they become woody and fairly inedible. Dangen! I really need to continue to clean out beds and start planting the things that will provide me with food this summer. I also need to start harvesting some turnips.

After giving WLF a quick once-over I hopped into the M6 and made my way toward Decatur for the second time yesterday, this time to ride. Starting at Melton’s App & Tap a group of six of us barreled around Decatur, Avondale Estates, Oakhurst, and Atlanta covering nearly twenty miles at a pace of about 16 mph. It was a tough ride, and I huffed and puffed for much of it, but since I don’t know the route I had to fight to stay in contact. With the ride done we sat around and drank some beers. I had also packed two hard boiled eggs for my “dinner”.

I will be spending considerable time today in WLF, as I continue to search for inner peace and happiness. I still have a ton of work to do out there, and need to see if last night’s rain caused any damage.

This afternoon, after a lunch at home, I will be driving up to West Stride running store to visit Sal, and to perhaps make my first purchase of new running shoes in many years. I will have to see their selection as well as the prices satisfy me, since running is not really my chosen sport any longer.

Tonight is a Betsy night; it’s her turn to cook. AND I just launched the Hulu app and think I see that a new season of “Top Chef” has started! I knew May would be a lot better for me…

Here’s to a good Hump Day and though the calendar says May 4, I refuse to type the phrase that you will hear often today.

I solved today’s Wordle in three attempts; my starter today was PRIME

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Well, yesterday had some pitfalls I’d like not to replicate.

Because I was headed to Barb’s for dinner I wanted to avoid afternoon traffic, so I left early. I actually left very early because I got stir crazy and decided I was going to find the thrift shop Mecca in Smyrna/Marietta about which I had heard. I was going to kill four hours bouncing from new-to-me thrift store to new-to-me thrift store. My day changed when I got back into the M6 after my first stop and it didn’t start. From past history I recognized that the car wasn’t communicating with the key fob, and when I held the fob nearer the start button it started. No more thrift shopping, now I was on a mission to find a CR2025 battery. Since the car was running I decided to drive close to Barb’s where I knew I had multiple stores to try, on foot if necessary. And, I parked away from all other cars in case I needed to call AAA. After failing to find the battery at Kroger I walked over to Publix and found one there; I had an Ace Hardware and Walgreens at the ready if necessary. And then when I returned the M6 started miraculously without fail, even with the original battery. Huh.

With replacement batteries in hand I chose to visit one more thrift store to buy a book or two, since I had just taken two out when I cleaned out the car, and then head to Schoolhouse Brewing where I would while away the afternoon reading and drinking beer. I even backed into a parking space *gasp* in case AAA’s services would be required.

Of the two books I bought I chose to start rereading “A Man Called Ove”, a book I read five or so years ago, and loved. What I failed to recall is that the story is about a man whose wife dies, and then he is laid off, so he sets out to commit suicide via hanging because he feels as if he no longer has a reason to live. Perhaps not the subject matter that I should be subjecting myself to at the moment, even if it is May.

Dinner was grand, and I watched some Survivor. This was the first time in many years that I have watched an episode of Survivor, and it was unsurprisingly different from the olden days, not bad, but different.

It rained in East Atlanta while I was gone? The streets were damp when I arrived home. I am certain that I did not see that in the forecast.

Upon returning home I entered the kitchen and was flummoxed by the sound of water droplets. Apparently I did a very poor job of shutting off my finicky faucet, and it dripped for seven hours. Oh boy, my water bill might be interesting next month. The faucet dripped into a bucket I keep in the sink, don’t ask. The bucket caught droplets as planned, but when it overflowed the sink’s slow drain hindered the water’s exit, so the sink was also completely filled. Upon cursory inspection it doesn’t appear that the sink overflowed, but I spilled a shitload of water trying to rectify the situation. Hey, at least my floor is a little cleaner now..

When you read this I may be at the Waschsalon. I haven’t done laundry since prior to STU, so I have a bunch of cycling kits to wash, along with all of the other clothes I have been wearing.

Today I am meeting some former coworkers for lunch, so that should be nice. We are going to a restaurant at which I have never before eaten, called Tenya Japanese Restaurant. It’s not a surprise that I have never eaten here given the lack of dining out that has occurred since March 2020.

I am contemplating doing the Melton’s App & Tap ride tonight. More exercise, specifically time on the bicycle can’t hurt, right? Famous. Last. Words…

After writing my Mother’s Day check yesterday I have run out of checks! To show you how few checks I write, the last check in the booklet was still a Wachovia branded check; Wachovia was taken over by Wells Fargo in 2008! Now I have to figure out how to reorder checks, and the fewest number I can reorder since it’s not like I am going to be writing a lot more checks anytime soon.

I hope that your week has started well and that you are healthy.

Tuesday Tale of the Tape: 182.6 pounds (+0.2 from last week’s weigh-in); acceptable.

I solved today’s Wordle in five attempts; my starter today was CREAM. I could have gotten it in four, but I zigged when I should have zagged.

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