Inside The Perimeter

Now why didn’t I think of quitting my job to blog fulltime like the guy in this story in Wired? Oh yeah, it’s because I make no money doing this…

When I Said Music Was My Drug Of Choice, I Wasn’t Kidding
Thanks to Sirius Satellite Radio I have once again started buying music. It’s a habit I kicked because of the lack of quality albums (cds, whatever) released in the mid-to-late nineties. But now I’m back, scouring used CD stores and the internet, seeking that “certain” release by a band you probably have never hear of before. My return to John Cusack’s character in High Fidelity is underway. This can’t be good.

Friday’s purchase consisted of

• Various Artists - “Wig In A Box”
• Primal Scream - “Screamadelica”
• Ween - “Quebec”

You Say “Get Rid Of Hooters”, I Say “Get Rid Of Dick’s”
Dick’s Sporting Goods that is. On a recent trip to my favorite Target (it’s got a Taco Bell / Pizza Hut in it) I noticed that Galyan’s is no more, and in it’s place is a Dick’s. I did actually see the workers erecting the Dick’s sign, but had no decent camera available to take a picture of the big Dick’s erection.

Ah Fuck, Goddamn Programmers Can Be Such Assholes!!
I can say this because I used to code for a living. Someone has figured out how to thwart Firefox’s ability to stop pop-up ads from appearing. Pop-up ads are the most annoying thing on the internet, they seem to propagate like rabbits, and have never been for a product that I would be even remotely interested in learning more about. I hope that there is a special place in Hell for the person(s) who figured this out.

And Sometimes Being A Nerd Can Be Very Frustrating
On one of last week’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart they did a story about Paris Hilton’s Blackberry getting hacked. Argh! She has a Sidekick II assclowns! Fuckin’ A, she is in the goddamn Sidekick II commercial as well! I know, I need to go into a corner and roll a twenty-sided die until I calm down a bit, but it’s all about the details. I expect more from you Daily Show, get with the program.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - whooped
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Arcade Fire - “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)”
Current Read - will decide tonight

Monday Morning Weigh-In
Starting weight - (approx since I didn’t have a scale) 198 lbs
Target weight - 178 lbs
Current weight - 196 lbs (oops, maybe I shouldn’t have had so much to drink)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

You So Channel 13!
I guess you have to grow up in New York to get my reference. Channel 13 was (is?) New York’s Public Broadcasting System (known as PBS to many) affiliate.

Sit down children and I’ll tell you a story of a time when people had to get off the couch in order to change the channel. Oh, the old days….

In New York, one-time media capital of the world, we were blessed with these televsion options (and I’ll only list those found on the VHF dial)

• Channel 2 - WCBS
• Channel 4 - WNBC
• Channel 5 - hmm, forget what there call letters were but all I remember was that they showed “Wonderarama” starring Bob McAllister
• Channel 7 - WABC
• Channel 9 - WOR (then the home of my beloved New York Mets)
• Channel 11 - WPIX (then the home of the not-so-beloved New York Yankees)
• Channel 13 - WNET (ie PBS)

Those of you not from the Greater New York area may know the Channel 13 reference from Billy Joel’s song “Pressure”

All your life is Channel 13
Sesame Street
What does it mean?

And My Point Is?
In the last week I have had two separate conversations about PBS’ television offerings in the 1970s and 1980s. I came to realize that I watched a shitload of tv, some of which was actually educational!

The first conversation dealt with Bob Ross’ painting show called “The Joy of Painting.” In this conversation I went on to mention the other painting show which was on around the same time as “The Joy Of Painting” and my friend said that there was none. Bow to the master of television as I present to you William (Bill) Alexander! Ross had the happy clouds; Alexander had the magic white. Oh the Saturdays I spent watching them paint, laughing heartily when I thought they had finally screwed up their painting, only to watch them fix it as if it was magic.

The second conversation is an ongoing tete-a-tete with my BlogFriend ananonymousgirl. Seems to me, Miss Girl, grew up watching as much of the “boob tube”, hehe I said “boob”, as I did. Over the past few weeks we have traded references to many a tv show and it started me thinking about the tv I watched in my formative years — most of which was on PBS. Here is a short list of the shows that I spent (commercial free) hours watching

• Sesame Street
• Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood
• Captain Kangaroo
• The New Zoo Review
• Zoom
• The French Chef
• The Galloping Gourmet
• The Frugal Gourmet
• Justin Wilson’s Cajun Cooking
• The Victory Garden
• This Old House (the Bob Vila years)
• The Woodwright’s Shop
• The Benny Hill Show (yes, it was!)
• Mystery
• Nova

Wasted youth? No, although in hindsight I realize that I could have used a show which taught me how to meet the opposite sex.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - pensive, have I overbooked my weekend again?
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Shins - “Know Your Onion!”
Current Read - nothing currently — NEXT WEEK, ALRIGHT!?!

Cheers,
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Today is the second biggest day on my calendar! It’s my mother’s birthday!!! My birthday is the biggest day, of course.

It’s Not Polite To Give Away A Woman’s Age
Unless it’s a biggie! Today my mother became 75 years old! Yes, that woman who has put up with my shit for the last 39.5 years turns 75 today. My week’s worth of grumpiness is due in part to the fact that my plans to be with her today fell through. Oh, well I would only be cutting into her bingo time anyway.

Since I am not in Florida to celebrate I chose to wear my Mickey Mouse t-shirt (imagine it in your head since photo capabilities are still a pipe-dream) bought for me by my great friend Stacey on her last trip to Disneyworld.

When I spoke with mom this morning (hey, I am not that bad of a son) she admitted to me that she was hoping to be carrying twins when I was born. She said that she didn’t want me to grow up alone (remember, my brother is sixteen years older than me). Holy Christ, could you imagine two of me?! The world should be thankful that her hopes were not realized.

My poor mother. Her biggest hope in life was to have a girl to spoil. Here is what she got
- two sons
- son #1 one married, had one son, divorced, married a woman who had three sons
- son #2 has been incapable of getting a woman to marry him

Sorry mom.

Music Is My Drug Of Choice
I spent the majority of yesterday listening to music. It’s the one environmental variable that I feel most comfortably altering to suit my mood. Oddly, the majority of the music played yesterday was by musicians no longer with us — Stevie Ray Vaughn, Elliot Smith, Alice In Chains (Lane Staley is gone). I somehow seemed to miss Blind Melon, Nirvana and Jeff Buckley, all of whom are represented in my music collection. Radiohead fans look out, as they too made it into the playlist so look for major news to break on them sometime in the near future.

Run, Run, Run Away
I am running regularly again. This is big news! Not since the knee injury of 2000 have I run more than once during a given week. So far I have run Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Not bad, not bad. Now if I can manage to add a few bike trips into the mix I should have no problem with my “twenty by forty” plan.

Speaking of running, work beckons so I must run…

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - mixed
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Thermals - “How We Know”
Current Read - nothing currently

Cheers,
Paulie [eatl/ga]

To Do List For Wednesday, Feb 23rd
- wake up early
- call in sick (mental health day)
- contemplate cleaning house
- ignore last idea
- contemplate drinking all day
- remember haircut appointment and running, postpone start of drinking
- take nap
- wake up, listen to music at loud volumes
- get haircut
- run
- drink
- motivate self to do better tomorrow
- go to sleep

paulie [eatl/ga]

I figured yesterday’s readership would be as low as a non-national election turnout, so I tried something different. Based on the lack of comments yesterday I’ll assume that my foray into humor went unread, was not funny, or both. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

But It Was A Good Weekend…
Yesterday’s title was an (unsuccessful) attempt to sucker you all in. Hmmm, must revise that strategy for next time.

Ah, the rest of my weekend is now stale news, so I’ll just skip it.

Al Michaels Is Sixty?
WTF!!! Meet The Hashers went down in a blaze of glory last night at Taco Mac. I never would have guessed that Al Michaels is sixty years old. Wow.

While I have grown accustom to losing, the fact that two teams taunted us like we were the New York Yankees disturbed me. It’s a game people….

Tuesday’s Toy Of The Day (Sometimes Technology Moves Too Fast)
In a long dark tunnel somewhere under Corporate Square my friend Dr. Doo-Doo took out a little waterproof camera and snapped some awesome pictures. That camera, the Sony CyberShot DSC-U60 was to be my toy of the day, until I found out that it is no longer produced. Electronics (and sneakers) go out of production so quickly these days that the moment I find something I like it is no longer available. Bummer. Does anyone know of a service that will provide you with updated information? For example, if I was looking for “A”, it would tell me that “B” was the replacement for “A”, and therefore I should be just as happy to own “B”.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - in the dumps, I should have stayed on the couch
Current Music - Massive Attack’s “100th Window” CD
Current Read - nothing currently

later,
Paulie [eatl/ga]

We interrupt this regularly-scheduled Blogger entry to report on issues missed by all other news outlets….

Kerry’s Home Town To Celebrate “Different Holiday”
LOWELL, MA - In an act of kindness, John Kerry’s hometown of Lowell, MA agreed to declare today “I Wish I Was The President Day.” As expected the move didn’t sit well with Republicans in the State House, but members were overheard saying, “what the heck we’ve got four more years to gloat, let the poor bahstahd have one day.” Still suffering from post-election depression, John Kerry declined an invitation to this celebration. Declaring “If I was Vice President I’d have to attend these two-bit celebrations anyway”, John Edwards agreed to be the keynote speaker on Kerry’s behalf.

Area Mattress King Raided On Anonymous Tip
JEFFERSON, MO - The Mattress King on Taft Highway was raided Sunday during its annual Presidents Day Sale after area authorities received an anonymous tip that the store was selling mattresses which have had their tags removed prior to sale. Store Manager Kamir Babaganoush complained violently at the intrusion on his busiest weekend of the year — “I came to this country with nothing, built this Mattress King into the best mattress outlet in all of Jefferson, and now this? It’s racial profiling I tell you!” Area authorities could not be reached for comment.

Laura Bush Heard Complaining About Calendar
WASHINGTON, DC - The normally pleasant First Lady Laura Bush was heard briefly complaining about the relative closeness of Valentines Day and Presidents Day. “I just spent $60 on a large box of chocolates, a new pair of boxers, and a card! How am I supposed to top that one week later?” grrumbled the First Lady. Friends of the Bush’s have confirmed that all was well in the White House since Mrs. Bush found out that the President had yet to purchase the complete third season of Alias on DVD.

The Presidents Of The United States of America Ponder Opening
SEATTLE, WA - For the first time in recent memory post-grunge band ‘The Presidents Of The United States of America’ are without a gig on Presidents Day. Confused by the lack of interest, guitarist Dave Dederer wondered aloud if Smashing Pumpkins ever had an opening on Halloween.

Man Claims ‘W’ — Not His President
MADISON, WI - Area man Scott McCellean still refuses to acknowledge George W. Bush as president. “I didn’t vote for him in either election. I can’t remember who I voted for, but it certainly wasn’t ‘W’!” When pressed further McCellean admitted to sending Presidents Day eCards to John Kerry and Al Gore as a token of his appreciation for their efforts against the Evil Republicans.

Local City Mulls Road Closures
ATLANTA, GA - Recognizing that traffic will be lighter than normal, including mass-transit ridership, the city of Atlanta mulled the idea of closing all roads with presidential names. Roads to have been closed would have included the Ronald Reagan Parkway and Jimmy Carter Boulevard. When told that residents considered the proposal as “extreme”, City Counselwoman Sandra Platnak said “Extreme? If we were living in Houston, Texas or Washington, DC we’d probably be considering closing the airports as well, now that’s extreme!”

Study Reveals American High School Students Are Clueless
LINCOLN, NE - There was a surprising outcome with last week’s pop quiz administered in Mr. Martini’s Civics class at Fillmore High in Lincoln Nebraska. When shown pictures of the Lincoln Memorial a whopping 72% of the class identified it as the White House. “It’s white, and it’s got a big statue of the president dude we talked about in American History last year, that must be where the pres(ident) lives!” exclaimed Dylan Washbern. The pop quiz also revealed that 14% of those quizzed identified the Washington Monument as a nuclear warhead aimed at Iraq.

Blue States Bluer Than Normal
SACRAMENTO, CA - California Democrats have decided to observe a moment of silence for the Democratic Party at the opening of each session of their State Congress. Senate President Pro Tem. Don Perata said that the moment of silence will occur until the United States Congress is once again “ruled by the Democrats”, or the Democratic Party is disbanded… whichever comes first.

Rain Doesn’t Dampen Her Parade
JACKSON, MS - Every day is a ‘Parade of One’ for area resident Maggie Adams. Ms. Adams stated “I just love to stroll up and down the street to the beat of my own drum!” When asked if she had a special costume for her Presidents Day parade, Ms. Adams said “If weather.com is right and it is raining, then I’ll dress like Uncle Sam — the tophat should keep the rain off my head, otherwise I think I’ll wear the Statue of Liberty costume I debuted last July fourth.”

Amusing tidbits about my life will return tomorrow.

Cheers and Happy Presidents Day!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

This morning I was actually out of the house early. Go figure. Unfortunately I was too early since I made it to the coffee shop twenty minutes before they opened. Bummer. Noticing that Ellen was in there setting up I tapped on the door, waived hello, turned around and headed off to work. I am now drinking mediocre coffee. Bummer Squared.

Why Is It The One Time I Try To Buy Porn?
As a joke I was going to buy a friend of mine porn for his 41st birthday which is today. Alas, I think I went to Puritan Kroger because not only could I not find porn, I couldn’t any of the porn alternatives such as FHM, Stuff, etc. Sorry man, I tried. At least there should be no payback when I turn forty in July.

Trivia, Decatur Style
It seemed like a great idea. Since none of the trivia (ir)regulars had concrete plans for the evening (mine fell through do to an illness) we decided to play trivia and spend the $40 in house cash we won a few weeks ago at Raging Burrito. The food was good, the service was fair (they appeared dreadfully short-handed), but the trivia was crap. The guy started at 8:30pm, and droned on for more than two hours. This would have been bad enough, but given the fact that Raging is a brick cavity, the sound is awful and the room is loud. Never again. I repeat, never again, at least not for trivia. Oh yeah, we finished first, winning another $40 in house cash.

You Look Sooo Familiar…
One of my “talents” (or “curses”) is to recognize faces and recall where I saw them. [authors note: the only time that this didn't happen is with last year's carjacking. It must have been something about those guns they had pointed at me]

Recently my mind has been taxed (and it’s not even April 15th) by this on a few occasions.

The first was someone I recognized prior to a Taco Mac trivia night. After a few moments I realized that it was someone who used to hang with my old happy-hour crowd. Maybe if I would have spilled another margarita into her lap she would have recognized me.

The other occurrence forced me to endure a commercial about this product called Seasonale. Ladies, this one is for you — not only can you get birth control, you can reduce the number of periods you have to four a year. It’s a dessert topping and a floor wax! Oh, the woman in the commercial played “Ashleigh, The Bitch” on my favorite faux-reality series The Joe Schmo Show.

Websites Of The Week (my name is Paulie and I have endorsed this message)
It’s been a slow week in Lake Wobegon, but here are the places I have visited in order to forget about the sixty-two inches of snow outside.

• A Prairie Home Companion - I love the radio show, and feel lucky to have seen it performed live at The Fox Theater. I also love Keillor’s books! See, I do read…. occasionally
• CheapoVegas - Word on the street is that I’ll turn forty on The Strip. I sure hope so! Viva Las Vegas!
• National Confectioners Association - Just looking at their banner (gumdrops and chocolate) makes me happy! I could have done without the Valentine’s reminder, but hey it is one of their Big days. Be careful, merely surfing this site may add five pounds.

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - still unhappy because my knee hurts, rushed so much to do
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing William Shatner - “Common People”
Current Read - nothing currently (but tonight I plan to read my Cargo magazine, really I do)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

I used to be fat — like obese. On a good day I stand 5′9″ tall (stop laughing, that is the average height for an American male). A little more than ten years ago I weighed 245lbs (that was a size 42 waistline for those of you keeping score at home). As I have been documenting on Mondays, I currently weigh 195lbs and I am trying to get back to my “fightin’” weight of 178lbs, which is what I weighed about five years ago.

My biggest fear has always been an injury that would necessitate rest. Right now my right knee’s IT band is bugging me, I am displeased. If you look down at the bottom of the sidebar you’ll see my Tour de Force agenda for this spring under the heading “Stupid Paulie Tricks.” I enjoy doing events, especially if they will help me lose weight. I must because the last thing I need is another t-shirt.

Kirsty Ally I Hate You, Kirsty Ally I Love You
Tuesday night I was content to take a night off from exercising, sit my ass on the couch, and just watch tv. Then she popped up onto my screen in a Jenny Craig commercial — Kirsty, Jenny; Jenny, Kirsty. I have never liked Kirsty Ally (she’s not my type) and was horrified when I saw pictures of how much she had “grown” over the last few years. I immediately headed down to the basement and did an hour on my bike. Thanks Kirsty, keep those commercials coming!

Goodbye Hockey, Hello Lance
At least one sports star has his head on straight. With the cancellation of this year’s hockey season I am glad to hear that Lance Armstrong will be riding both the Tour de Georgia and the Tour de France this year. Cycling may be a niche sport in this country, but I’ll be watching.

Hey, Is Someone At The Onion Goofing On Me?
My name is not David Buntrock, but this sounds eerily familiar…

New Girlfriend Bears Disturbing Resemblance To Old Girlfriend
ATLANTA—Friends of David Buntrock told reporters Monday that his new girlfriend Katie Wickstrom looks unsettlingly similar to his former girlfriend Tonya Gill. “When I first saw them together I thought, ‘Wow, did David and Tonya work things out?’” friend Angie Lisota said, explaining that both Wickstrom and Gill are petite, with cropped brown hair, big eyes, and a penchant for dressing like ballet dancers. “Even her voice sounds a little nasally, like Tonya’s.” According to Buntrock, Wickstrom “actually looks more like Audrey Hepburn.”

I wonder what Tonya Gill is doing these days…

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - unhappy because my knee hurts
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Flaming Lips - “She Don’t Use Jelly”
Current Read - nothing currently (but tonight I plan to read my Cargo magazine)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

Whew, where has the time gone this morning; it’s already 9:00am!

Jack-O’s Got The Flu
Yeah, sure he does. Michael Jackson was taken to an emergency room… Why does the phrase “If the condom doesn’t fit you must acquit” keep popping into my head? *shudder*

Optimist Or Pessimist, Which Are You?
Last night I found that I already owned an unopened pack of C-cell batteries which I can use for one of yesterday’s toys (obviously the speakers). I was so happy! But, being the detail freak that I am, I noticed the following (which spurred this question)…

On the batteries it reads “Best Before 01-2007″
On the package it reads “Best If Used By Jan 2004″

Which would you believe?

It’s A Dog’s Life
I have once again missed watching the Westminster Kennel Club’s annual dog show. I watch it mostly to learn about different breeds, because let’s be honest, all the girls there are bitches. (oh, how do I keep coming up with this material!) Congratulations Carlee, the German shorthaired pointer who took “Best in Show” last night. I know Christopher Guest must have watched it once or twice as well otherwise the movie Best in Show wouldn’t have been nearly as funny as it was.

What’s Twenty Years Older And Doesn’t Stretch Like It Used To?

• Me? Well, maybe.
• Stretch Armstrong? Sure, but not answer I am seeking.
• The elastic on my Unitech speaker case? Correct! I made the mistake of showing someone the speakers today and streched the little elastic strap which was meant to secure the Walkman. The cracking noise it made was the first indication that I should not have done that…

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - grumpy, where the fuck is the sun! This is not Seattle!
Current Music - My iPod, playing Tesla - “Hang Tough” — which is very different from the New Kids on the Block’s “Hanging Tough” which would not be found on my iPod
Current Read - nothing currently (are you noticing a trend?)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]

How Do You Do It?
A lot of people (in the small community of those of you who read this) have asked me how I manage to post daily. It’s very simple — I have a lot of time alone, during which I talk to myself constantly. Don’t worry, it’s almost all done in my head; and I know that some of you out there do it as well. As you’d expect, most of the stuff I blog about is real, and are about things I have encountered in the last day or two. Even I’ll admit that I am not clever enough to make most of this shit up!

Stereotypes Be Damned!
I feel badly portraying old people as bad drivers yesterday, so I decided to discuss another stereotype.

Question: What do you call a man in his late-30’s, who has never been married, is neat and clean, folds his clothes after taking them out of the dryer, has a lot of shoes (thanks for reminding me YIW), is *cough* thin, likes art (perhaps he even has a large painting of the “Wizard of Oz” characters in his dining room) and theater?

Answer: Ga…infully Employed

Correct! Oh, I applaud your ability to see me as the 100% straight male that I am even though I possess some of the traits found in men who are not (Not that there is anything wrong with that).

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?
I hate change. I am sure that those of you who know me well are snickering at the double entendre in that last statement. This time I mean pocket change — pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. I try hard to spend whatever I have in my pockets as soon as I can so that I don’t accumulate so much that sound like a building superintendent (think Schneider on “One Day at a Time“) when I walk. Inevitably, I don’t have the proper change and in the process I obtain even more change. In my “perfect world” all prices would be rounded up or down to the nearest dollar.

The Pre-Flush
This may be a male-restroom phenomenon, but what is up with the people who flush a toilet before they use it? Granted, if something from the previous occupant remained then I can understand, but I hear it happen far too often for it to be coincidental. Did I miss some Urban Legend about a rat or snake coming up through the pipes as you mount the throne? Would flushing once prior to use remove this threat? It just seems like a waste of water to me.

Taking Another Stab At Legacy
The Urban Dictionary accepted “blomage“, so I have taken another crack at altering our vernacular. This time I have submitted “Splenda Daddy”. Look for it’s inclusion soon…

The Return Of Tuesday’s Toy Of The Day
And as an added bonus, you’ll get two! While searching for the ultimate add ons for my iPod (I’ve given up trying to become a musician to meet women) I wound up eschewing the new for the tried and true.

The iPod desktop speakers - Back around 1985 I purchased a set of “portable” speakers which were designed to be plugged into a Sony Walkman (nostalgic types should follow this link). Theses speakers were put out by a company called Unitech (who I am sure are long-since gone). Unitech was smart enough to put the speakers in a carrying case that had an adjustable handle/strap on top and a cavity in the middle to hold the Walkman and batteries for the speakers. (oh, I so wish I could show a picture here). BRILLIANT!

The iPod car cupholder - When looking at these yesterday in stores ($10 for one type, $30 for the deluxe model) I had the bright idea “I bet if I shoved my iPod in a beer cozie (sp?) I could do the same thing for a lot less money.” I tried it this morning and it worked perfectly! And, not only do I get an iPod holder, I get a beer can holder in times of “emergency.”

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood - grumpy, weather related
Current Music - Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Thermals - “How We Know”
Current Read - nothing currently (are you noticing a trend?)

Cheers!
Paulie [eatl/ga]