Connecting The Dots

How Do You Do It?
A lot of people (in the small community of those of you who read this) have asked me how I manage to post daily. It’s very simple — I have a lot of time alone, during which I talk to myself constantly. Don’t worry, it’s almost all done in my head; and I know that some of you out there do it as well. As you’d expect, most of the stuff I blog about is real, and are about things I have encountered in the last day or two. Even I’ll admit that I am not clever enough to make most of this shit up!

Stereotypes Be Damned!
I feel badly portraying old people as bad drivers yesterday, so I decided to discuss another stereotype.

Question: What do you call a man in his late-30’s, who has never been married, is neat and clean, folds his clothes after taking them out of the dryer, has a lot of shoes (thanks for reminding me YIW), is *cough* thin, likes art (perhaps he even has a large painting of the “Wizard of Oz” characters in his dining room) and theater?

Answer: Ga…infully Employed

Correct! Oh, I applaud your ability to see me as the 100% straight male that I am even though I possess some of the traits found in men who are not (Not that there is anything wrong with that).

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?
I hate change. I am sure that those of you who know me well are snickering at the double entendre in that last statement. This time I mean pocket change — pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. I try hard to spend whatever I have in my pockets as soon as I can so that I don’t accumulate so much that sound like a building superintendent (think Schneider on “One Day at a Time“) when I walk. Inevitably, I don’t have the proper change and in the process I obtain even more change. In my “perfect world” all prices would be rounded up or down to the nearest dollar.

The Pre-Flush
This may be a male-restroom phenomenon, but what is up with the people who flush a toilet before they use it? Granted, if something from the previous occupant remained then I can understand, but I hear it happen far too often for it to be coincidental. Did I miss some Urban Legend about a rat or snake coming up through the pipes as you mount the throne? Would flushing once prior to use remove this threat? It just seems like a waste of water to me.

Taking Another Stab At Legacy
The Urban Dictionary accepted “blomage“, so I have taken another crack at altering our vernacular. This time I have submitted “Splenda Daddy”. Look for it’s inclusion soon…

The Return Of Tuesday’s Toy Of The Day
And as an added bonus, you’ll get two! While searching for the ultimate add ons for my iPod (I’ve given up trying to become a musician to meet women) I wound up eschewing the new for the tried and true.

The iPod desktop speakers – Back around 1985 I purchased a set of “portable” speakers which were designed to be plugged into a Sony Walkman (nostalgic types should follow this link). Theses speakers were put out by a company called Unitech (who I am sure are long-since gone). Unitech was smart enough to put the speakers in a carrying case that had an adjustable handle/strap on top and a cavity in the middle to hold the Walkman and batteries for the speakers. (oh, I so wish I could show a picture here). BRILLIANT!

The iPod car cupholder – When looking at these yesterday in stores ($10 for one type, $30 for the deluxe model) I had the bright idea “I bet if I shoved my iPod in a beer cozie (sp?) I could do the same thing for a lot less money.” I tried it this morning and it worked perfectly! And, not only do I get an iPod holder, I get a beer can holder in times of “emergency.”

And now for some ideas stolen from LiveJournal…
Current Mood – grumpy, weather related
Current Music – Sirius Satellite Radio, Channel 26 playing The Thermals – “How We Know”
Current Read – nothing currently (are you noticing a trend?)

Paulie [eatl/ga]

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7 Responses to Connecting The Dots

  1. Anonymous says:

    You forgot to mention “has great shoes” in your Q.

    I hate change, too, but only the monetary kind.

    You hit on one of my pet peeves — public restroom hygiene. If it’s a LADIES room, why can’t people employ LADY-like behavior like flushing the darn thing and not leaving the seat covered in droplets (shudder).

    Can I interest in you in a book? I have a house full of fiction, non-fiction, many different genres. C’mon you know want something to read.


  2. Paulie says:

    Thanks for reminding me about the shoes, I meant to put that in the question. 🙂

    I have plenty of books to read, I just don’t read them. In part it is because I am rarely at home, in part is because I love tv, and finally in part because after reading no more that ten pages I usually fall asleep (regardless of time of day, subject matter, whatever).

  3. Paulie says:

    I really wish I could edit comments, or I would proofread what I type. 🙂

    My last paragraph should read

    “I have plenty of books to read, I just don’t read them. In part because I am rarely at home, in part because I love tv, and finally because after reading no more that ten pages I usually fall asleep (regardless of time of day, subject matter, whatever).”

  4. Don’t worry too much about talking to yourself constantly. I am known to do that as well. Often, I answer. That’s when people turn their heads. My explanation for it? I enjoy talking to someone intelligent 🙂

    You are the hip metrosexual male. Embrace it. And continue to wear cool shoes. Wizard of Oz huh? I’ll admit my curiosity is peaked James.

    To be Schneider you also need a lot of keys…and a really bad stache.

    Did you ever think it might be about the splatter factor? If you proceed to eliminate your bodily wastes into a porcelain throne that may NOT have been flushed post elimination from the previous user, then there is a chance that particles will splash onto your person (especially the ladies here) thereby leaving the residue of bodily fuctions not from your own person. Just a thought.

    Please tell me that the definition for “splenda daddy” is not an older male that “keeps” a younger woman that he is not married to, but uses for sex and sometimes companionship. And in return, he gives her extravagant gifts from places like…Target and Costco.

    Glad to know you took my advice about your ipod. I’ve often heard that necessity is the mother of invention. But I’ll be damned if it isn’t good old-fashioned ingenuity at times. Kudos Paulie!

    Okay grumpybutt, we have GOT to find you something to read dammit! Can you stay awake through Dick and Jane books?

  5. Paulie says:

    Hip, yes. Metrosexual, not so much.

    The guy who did the WoO painting used to paint in the back section of the Gravity Pub. For weeks I watched the painting be created, and one night (more than a wee little bit inebriated) went up and started talking to him. At the end of the conversation I had purchased the not-quite-completed painting. And now you know the rest, of the story…

    Hate carrying keys as well. No cheesy mustache, thankfully. 🙂

    Assuming the previous user flushed after using the throne, another flush will miss the same splatter (also assuming a universal flush pattern for any given throne). Therefore, flushing prior to use won’t help. This is my quandry.

    A Splenda Daddy is a man who wants to be a Sugar Daddy but doesn’t have adequate funding. (He’s like sugar, but not quite).

    Always open minded for suggestions. Anyway I can improve my odds for happiness I will.

    Dick & Jane? Maybe. Dick & Harry? No thanks.

  6. I was actually referring to the possible not completely flushed water splashing on you as you are emptying your own bodily wastes which would necessitate a flush before-usage flush.

    Close on my definition. At least the girl still gets something 😉

    Is your Oz painting resplendent in black velvet? Just curious…

    If not Dick & Jane, we are left with pop-up books. No reading required. Yet…come to think of it…I did see a pop-up Kama Sutra book at Barnes & Noble! That would make the perfect present for you Naught Naught Seven!

  7. Paulie says:

    I see where you were headed now. In the men’s room I have heard the pre-flush when men pee as well (including urinal usage). I think it will be one of the great mysteries of my life.

    Black velvet? That would be tacky! Did I say I had tacky taste? 🙂 It is actually painted on wood, if you must know.

    I shouldn’t own the pop-up Kama Sutra, I might put an eye out. 🙂

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