I am tired of being depressed and angry.
I miss happiness.
There is no end in sight for the former, and no ship on the horizon to bring back the latter.
While I realize that this may lead to the end of this blog, posts for the foreseeable future will be nothing but Wordle updates. I have nothing else left to give.
I solved today’s Wordle on my last attempt; my starter today was HURTS
NYT Mini Crossword in 53 seconds.
Wordle in 5.
I don’t think it ever really rained much last night, but it certainly was in the area.
George is still challenged by the door. He pushes it, but no enough to go through. Strangely, when you open it for him, he often stands there and won’t come in. More and more we are realizing he is a weird piece of cheese, much like Brownie. He already has a pile of his toys h keeps on Lola’s bed. Monday night and last night, he slept in the bedroom with us. Last night everyone slept through the night as far as I know.
When is you next counselling session?
Next week. Honestly, it’s not helping me.
And how many visits so far? This is a process… maybe you have a breakthrough and maybe you gain a nugget or 2. It’s possible you need a different person, but doubtful you have enough information to decide yet.
Be open to the information and the process.
Next week will be visit number five. I have gotten through the “getting to know each other” phase, and frankly I don’t think I am getting anything different than if I talked to a stranger at a bar.
Maybe it’s not for everyone? Maybe my hurt is so inconsequential that therapy isn’t the solution?
I know exactly why I am angry and depressed. I know the only thing that will change that back to happiness. I just don’t know if I will ever be fortunate enough to once again find someone for whom I fall, and that is what scares me.
I don’t know much about therapy, but I do know it isn’t an instant solution. Its not like a massage that might give you some immediate relief. 1st & foremost – you have to think it might help, and you have to want to change things. Sometimes I do wonder if you just enjoy being unhappy.
And – if you really think a new girl is the solution, you have to put yourself out there to meet that person. Go to some of the group bike rides, or “join” some of the many singles groups out there – there’s a BIG GROUP called the Georgia Outdoor Shenanigans. I think it started on FB (you could start a new page, maybe even with a slightly fake name) but I think they may also have a website. They have tons of meetup type events, different parts of town, etc. I have a couple friends having a blast with different groups of people.
You get out of therapy what you put into it. You have a long history of disregarding advice that is counter to your whims/fantasies. Barb told you exactly where a bunch of single women are, your response was “Meh”. You’ve put yourself in this goddamn Chinese finger trap that only you can get out of. No woman is going to touch you with a 10 foot pole until you end the fucking pity party.
From my perspective a lot of the problem is you have WAY too much time on your hands, and you fill it with ruminating. Ask your therapist about that term. Get a damn job, man, or go do some volunteer work. Get involved with society where you can spend time with others, and at the end of the day/event, maybe go have a beer with some of them. Getting a job or volunteering would, horrors, put you in vicinity of people with similar interests.
You set up that farm with good intentions but all it seems to do is bring you grief and frustration. Plus it’s a solo activity. Ms. Right isn’t going to buy your neighbor’s house and waltz over and say “Hey there, good lookin'”.
It’s time to strike out in some new directions, because swirling around the toilet bowl you’re in is making your malaise ever worse.
And speaking of beer, drowning your sorrows IS NOT HELPING YOUR CAUSE. Going dry for a period of time would help turn things around here. You are severely depressed, and you’re steadily onboarding a depressant, and then railing at the world “Why don’t I feel better?” Can you not see the absurdity here?
Make your therapist earn their money. Tell them you don’t feel like this is working. Ask them how can I stop ruminating? There’s way more than a single session in that one question alone.
Or, don’t do any of that. Meh. Just keep rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It suits you.
If I enjoyed being unhappy I wouldn’t have quit hashing, because that scene makes me wildly unhappy now! I don’t even have to attend a hash to feel badly, because I keep hearing things that I would rather not.
I rest my case.
What Barb and David said. Also I mentioned it the other day, but I really think you need meds. Your depression is more than just a normal depression, and that means it’s a chemical imbalance. Most people without the imbalance get over this shit. It’s literally a biological thing. If you had a heart condition, you would take something for that.
who is telling you things about the hash? I’ve tried my damndest to never mention anything about people you don’t want to hear about.
I appreciate that.
Out in WLF found every tomato of a halfway significant size has been eaten, with some shavings remaining to taunt me. Then, I was bitten on the top of my left foot by an ant.
Inside the house again, fucking critters…
Aargh!! That sucks. We enjoyed our homegrown tomatoes for dinner last night. I will have a straight-up come apart if something comes after mine.
Tree work all done yesterday – guys did a good job. I’d hire them again.
Allan’s truck needs 2 new tires (1 was flat the other day) so took it to the shop this morning. I might leave the CRV to get an oil change when we go pick it up. I want my tires checked – see if they need rotating & balancing.
If you can get a referral for future tree customers, please post the company info in a comment. I know that I will want to have tree work done in the future.
not sure if they go into the ATL, but ask him.
text him is I’d say the best way to get an answer
Arborsaving Tree Care
Wordle in 5 starting with AISLE.
I’m gonna pile on, though I’m fairly sure you won’t listen… If you think the only way back to happiness is through being loved by someone else, you’re missing the point of your therapy. You need a healthier relationship with yourself first and foremost. That’s the point of therapy and if you aren’t open to that then no, it won’t work.
You’re a cool guy, your friends love you and you have maintained great relationships with friends for decades. The issues kick in when it’s an intimate relationship. Why? Your expectations are very rigid. Why? You hold onto hurts way beyond their expiration date. Why? Until you open your mind to exploring the things holding you back or continually wounding you, you won’t find a healthy way forward.
We’re all rooting for you and we stick with you even when you’re Eeyore-ing the shit out of life. Take your current crap sandwich and make it the reason you find a better way.
“Eeyore-ing the shit out of life” made me laugh out loud and is so spot on. Yes, we are all rooting for you, Paulie. We also need you to root for yourself.
“You hold onto hurts way beyond their expiration date.” Whoa, that hit super-close to home for me personally. And again is so spot on.
You know we are in your corner. No matter how bleak you make it out to be, we think you are worthwhile. As David said, this solo pity party isn’t helping, so get out and do something else.