Well, I spent a week trying to convince myself that it wasn’t over. But it’s over.

This will not be the story of a near perfect weekend.

On Friday I cycled in the dank, cold, and windy weather with Bonnie and Tammy. We met at Windy Hill, rode the river to mountain path to Kennesaw Mountain, and then the three of us rode to the top! On the way back from Kennesaw we stopped at Glover Park Brewing for a couple of beers before riding the rest of the way back. Thirty-eight miles done and back at the cars we huddled under blankets while having another beer. Before we knew it, it was 7pm. So the three of us went for pizza. It was miserable but magical, as if the previous five days of anguish were simply a bad dream.

And then, Saturday. Reality returned. After hashing and roller derby plans fell through I had nothing to do. I needed to get out of the house so I went to check the tree that I helped Bonnie plant with Trees Atlanta in 2019; it is “our” tree. The tree is on the Westside, so it being around noon I decided to do some day drinking on my way toward home. Two beers and a sandwich at Elliott Street Pub. Drive home, no need to add a DUI to my life. Walk to East Atlanta Village. Two beers at Midway Pub. One beer at Sabbath Brewing. Two beers at Flat Iron. Two beers at The EARL. All in about three hours. I returned home and bawled my eyes out on the kitchen floor before moving to the bathroom, where I awoke a few hours later as I vomited on the floor. After cleaning up my mess I went to bed. When I awoke again at midnight I was sober, scared, lonely, and remorseful.

I drove myself up to Buford, not Suwannee, yesterday for the hash. After getting lost driving to the start I had to call Bonnie, who was already there, for directions. Apparently I must have picked the wrong address in Maps and had gotten myself into a “can’t get there from here” situation. I was running late! Upon my arrival Sal came up to me and broke the news to me that Benny, one of the BRAG/STU gang, died suddenly during the week. I was already on the brink of crying before hearing of this. I turned, walked away, and started to cry for the second time in as many days. Prior to Saturday I couldn’t tell you the last time I cried. (I bet it’s noted in this blog) Unlike Friday it was a beautiful weather day. The hash was well marked and a good workout, but I had no desire to hang around for the on after so I drove home immediately after circle broke up. Wee Little Bit’s 199th Black Sheep Hash is in the books. I must keep the hash as my happy space, even if it’s not currently. My 200th Black Sheep will either occur in two weeks, or more likely in four weeks, since two Sundays from now will be the last day of Spring Tune Up.

Last night I started watching an Amazon series called “The Outlaws”. It could be an interesting premise, even if it is getting lukewarm reviews.

I have begun my healing process by reaching out to talk to some friends who are not as connected to certain social circles. I don’t know how much I wish to divulge otherwise, certainly no more details will appear here, assuming I have not said too much already.

This morning I am going to bring some coffee over to Betsy since we didn’t get to do our weekly walk on Saturday. She was camping this weekend, so I want to hear about that, and I want, no need, to experience some unwavering love from Bella.

This afternoon I am planning on going for a hike with Davey who will be reccying for a Pinelake trail.

The Moonlite hash is in Tucker tonight. I will most likely attend, if for no other reason than to promote my “Wee Is Risen” trail a week from tonight.

Your weekend was almost certainly better. Be happy, stay healthy, and please return tomorrow for a recount of a better day in my life.

At the time of publishing I have not yet played today’s Wordle. I will post my result in the comments today.

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20 Responses to 2022-04-11

  1. Steve says:

    {{hugs, brother}}
    I was surprised to read about Benny last night- while I knew he was not in great health, he had been holding his own for a while. I believe I only met him, or rode with him a few times… and on other sad news, when I called Debbie to report starting my trip home from Huntsville last night, she said my sister had called. When I returned her call, my assumption was correct- our uncle Jim had passed last week, just shy of his 100 birthday. He was the youngest of my dad’s brothers. He had just been interviewed the day before by the centennial committee at Elder High School, (large Catholic boys HS in Cincy) as he was class of ’40!

    The weekend was cold! Friday night in downtown Huntsville was the hand cycle relay- kinda cool to watch. Saturday was a time trial out in the Research Park and Sunday was a road race at the same place. We couldn’t start Sunday until noon due to some lame half marathon on OUR roads! F’ing runners… I got home about 12:30 this morning. And I’m whipped…


  2. David says:

    I’m glad you’re reaching out to folks. And sometimes a binge like that is just what the doctor ordered for resetting the brain. I hoping for the best for you as you navigate this new space you find yourself in.

    My wife moved back in yesterday, so I’m no longer separated. The jury is very much out as to our long-term prognosis. I have hernia surgery on Friday, and have to lay low for 6 weeks after that, so no sudden moves will be made.

    I look forward to being able to ride my bike again some day. PT starts on Thursday at 2:00 in Glenwood Park. Bonnie, you have been warned. 😉 Actually, the first few weeks will probably be low-key, the ouchy part comes down the line.

    • It’s a struggle, but I will make it through to the other side at some point in time. The bender was a one-off, I am not wealthy enough to throw away so much money on beer often…

      Good luck with everything, David.

  3. Bob says:

    Sounds like you hit a rough patch on Saturday, sorry to hear it man. You have my number if you ever need to talk and get stuff off your chest.

    I heard the news about Benny on Friday, it hit me pretty hard too. I remember my first year of BRAG hanging out with team roadkill and he was playing his harmonica. Great memories. I was fortunately able to see him last year when Travis had a bike race in Milledgeville. He was in good spirits and I was able to buy him a beer. He talked about trying to come out to see us this year as BRAG got close to his house.
    Godspeed Benny, you will be missed

  4. Barb says:

    Benny dying was quite the shock, but he was at a concert the night before, so I know it was sudden. At least he was having fun up until the end.

    So much to tell y’all from Girona, I’ll type more eventually, but our brush with fame was with Rory Sutherland today. We borrowed a car from him (& his wife really) to go to a sheep farm & learn to make cheese today. (We have 10 people). What a cool experience, and Katrina is amazing with her interpreting, Catalan to English & then German, as her cousin wife & child do not speak much English. He does speak English, so he did some of the German interpreting. Sani (the wife, pronounced Sunny) grew up in Bosnia, and they do not get taught English in school. I wish she spoke a little more English, or me German, as she seems really fun.

  5. Barb says:

    Friday’s wine tasting was all day, 3 wineries from a crazy rocky region called Priorat. The vines don’t produce much, so the little that makes it to the US is pricy. I doubt I’ll ever buy any at home. debating on buying more from the stores here.
    Ate a very fancy lunch at winery #2.
    Was an almost 12 hour day (2 hours in a van both ways).
    Found some pizza near the hotel when we got back, it was only ok, but didn’t feel like trying to find any specific place.

    Saturday was the high speed train to Girona, 38 minutes. Train station (Sants) is a big place & none of the signs said Girona. But, we figured out where to go eventually.

  6. Barb says:

    Girona needs a coffee table book that is “ the stairs & steep roads of Girona”. There probably already is many if I’d do a search.
    The ups & downs we’ve walked is amazing, very cool old stonework. My watch & phone aren’t syncing, so I’m not sure the flights climbed, but it’s a pretty decent amount.
    Still need to walk the old Roman wall, but saw the huge cathedral that was used in Game of Thrones on one walk home from dinner.

    So much beautiful old buildings & stairs. Did I say we’ve climbed a few flights yet? 😉

  7. Wordle in four, starter was TREAD.

  8. Thanks for all of the kind words, and reaching out. At my age I shouldn’t be as sappy as a teenager…

    • Steve says:

      Bull$hit. Showing emotion is part of being human. Hiding them only makes things worse. If you aren’t comfortable showing your emotions around other people, you’re around the wrong people.

      • David says:

        EXACTLY. As someone who suppressed emotion as much as possible for decades, I can absolutely attest. Hiding feeds the trolls and makes the beat down so much worse.

  9. Hope I don’t get rained upon during my hike this afternoon.

    Also, trying to decide if I will return to East Atlanta after the hike, or attempt to kill time closer to Tucker for tonight’s hash. Oh, it’s much closer in than I expected, so I probably will return home.

  10. Steve says:

    So last night’s adventure coming home. I take GA 100 south from 20, and I was rolling along just fine. Someone is behind me at a respectable distance, then lights me up! Sonfabitch. I thought I missed a speed limit change, but wasn’t too bad. He walks up- “Mr. Brady, your brake lights are shining through with white light, and another driver could be blinded…” Huh? I know the lights aren’t as red as they should be and they do leak white light… ” They are? OK, officer, I’ll look into it. Thanks.”

    Roll on, 5 minutes later in Franklin, same thing, different cop lights me up… “Oh, sorry Mr. Brady, I couldn’t read your license number and I heard the sheriff call it in. You have a good evening.”. FFS!

  11. Debbie says:

    Hugs Paul, I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Good on you for working towards peace by reaching out. I’ve been checking back in since our Tasty China evening – missed the chats.

    Sweet Lola rallied over the weekend, so I think we have more time with her. While she annoys the crap out of me on the daily, she is the most loving creature, so taking time to appreciate her goodness while we can.

    With Steve away, I focused on riding. Friday night was f’ing cold and I was not dressed appropriately. Saturday was cold, but I had on 3 layers to counter the wind, so it was a much more pleasant day. Unfortunately, at the end my horse was very lame. He felt a little off for the last 1/2 mile, so I don’t know if he stepped on a rock or took a funny step and tweaked something. We were only walking so he couldn’t have hurt himself too badly.

    Pulled out the second string yesterday and had a lovely ride with lots of galloping in the beautiful weather. When I got to the barn, it was a zoo. Multiple trailers and a full parking lot which is almost never the case. Fairweather riders for sure.

    Ollie did all three rides, he’s getting fitter and fitter. We only lost him on the last, fast uphill gallop yesterday. Considering how many steps he has to take to keep up, he was a champ!

    Glad to have Steve back home. I finally slept well last night.

    Wordle in six and very nearly a fail.

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